Animorphs Blogamorphs

Book Number:  5 Written By:  Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Page Count:  158 Narrator:  Marco Synopsis Not to be confused with the garbage Predator reboot from a few years ago... Marco morphs into a gorilla and saves an old man from a group of thugs, only to have the old man try and shoot him because he's a fucking gorilla in an alleyway.  Jake tries to scold him, but treads lightly because he has something even dumber to propose to the group.  See, E.T. wants to phone home.  The new Andalite Animorph, Ax, has decides that Earth sucks and wants to get back to the Andalite homeworld, so he comes up with a bonkers plan of highjacking a Yeerk Bug fighter by creating a phony Yeerk distress beacon using equipment found at Radio Shack. Jake, Marco, and Ax morphed in human form set out to get the parts at the mall, which results in quite possibly the dumbest action scene you can shoehorn into a book.  Ax keeps wandering off because ...

Book Number:  4 Written by:  Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Page Count:  158 Narrator:  Cassie Synopsis After Tobias almost eats Cassie (as a squirrel), they have a bonding moment in Cassie's barn where they discover they're both having the same dream.  Thankfully it's not of a burned man in a ratty hat with a razor glove, but rather about someone trapped under the ocean calling for help.  They tell the other Animorphs about their dream the next day, where Jake shows them a clip of the news (because taping the news is his hobby) that show fragments of an Andalite spaceship washing ashore.  As if on cue, both Cassie and Tobias pass out and dream of the call again.  Upon waking up, they decide that there's an Andalite in the ocean calling other Andalites to save him.  Since there are no Andalites around, ANIMORPHS TO THE RESCUE! They do some recon at the beach, but are almost caught by Controllers who conveniently showed...

Book Number:  3 Written by:  Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Pages:  155 Narrator:  Tobias Synopsis Tobias is pissed that a local car dealer is filming TV ads with a caged lady hawk, so he convinces Rachel to help him free her.  Tobias flies in and harasses people while filming takes place, while Rachel morphs into an elephant and starts destroying shit.  This is all damn good television. Anyway, mission accomplished, the lady hawk is free, but the other Animorphs are mad.  "What if the Yeerks saw the ad?"  My question is what would the Yeerks do about it?  I can only picture them looking at it and going "Huh.  Those Andalite's are weird."  But then again, I'm more amused by the idea that the people at the car lot called the cops and they're on the lookout for an elephant on the loose, unable to find it, and wondering how in the hell they lost an elephant. But lately Tobias seeing weird anomalies in the s...

Book Number:  2 Written by:  Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Pages:  175 Narrator:  Rachel Synopsis The Animorphs are out fucking around with their new powers, taking on bird morphs and having themselves a good ol' fly because bird boy Tobias can't stop recommending it.  Jake takes the form of a falcon, Rachel a bald eagle, and Cassie and Marco a pair of ospreys and take to the skies, doing flips, riding the thermals, and pooing on the heads of people for kicks (this last one is just a presumption on my part, because that's what I would do).  They also harass a pair of prick teens making them believe they're in an Alfred Hitchcock movie (which is also what I would do) because they were drinking beer and shooting at them for fun (I wouldn't need a reason to harass them, I'd just do it). Soon after landing and morphing back, the Animorphs need a new lead on the Yeerks since the opening in the school to the Yeerk Pool has been shut off....

Book Number:  1 Written by:  Katherine Applegate and Michael Grant Pages:  188 Narrator:  Jake Synopsis Jake and Marco are two teens walking home from losing money at an arcade who eventually meet up with Jake's cousin Rachel and her friend Cassie, and some loser named Tobias who is the new kid in town and just follows Jake because he's the only one who's been nice to him so far.  They take a shortcut through a construction site because that's not creepy at all and there is no way a murderer is lurking around in there. Well, there isn't.  There are a few aliens though. A space ship crash lands in the construction site right in front of them, and a dying blue centaur-like alien with a scorpion tail stumbles out.  Claiming he is Prince Elfangor of the Andalite race, he warns the five kids that their world is being invaded by an alien race called the Yeerks, a group of space slugs that climb in through the ear and control the brain....

My name is David.  And this is quite possibly the stupidest idea I've ever had. You kids and your young adult novels.  You get these lengthy, mildly thought out book series that come out once a year to continue your favorite story.  Well, when I was a kid, our books came out once a month.  Suck on that! Of course, this probably was hell on the writers if it wasn't done yet.  "Too bad!  We need it down in publishing!" So, when I was younger I used to read a book series called Animorphs, by K.A. Applegate (later revealed to be namesake Katherine Applegate, her husband Michael Grant, and a handful of ghost writers).  The book series told of a group of five tweens who encounter an alien who gives them the power to turn into animals, and in turn they use these powers to fight off an alien invasion. This is one of those things that you might bury in the back of your head when you grow up, then someone brings up one day and you're like "Oh yeah! ...